#Rachel bloom full

Rather, it was an existential dread rooted in the fear of change.

I didn’t think the toilet was a monster or anything like that.

Why was I so afraid? The fear wasn’t based in anything tangible. In a bizarre moment, my mother sympathetically asks, “Do you want me to turn off the camera?” And I say, through my tears, “No.” It’s as if I knew that, years later, I would write a piece on this. I am, as the kids say, “prairie-dogging it.” I know my parents have won, I know the fateful moment is near, but I don’t want to raise the not-so-white flag of defeat just yet. I am on the toilet, but I’m not doing my thing yet. There’s a few more minutes of tearful pleading, me saying I’ll never get on the toilet for as long as I live, and then - SMASH CUT TO ME ON THE TOILET! Now that’s how you edit a scene. I am pleading with my mother to get me a diaper, and she says in a voice surprisingly measured considering she’s holding an eight-pound camera: “We threw the diapers away. The video opens with me tearfully holding my crotch while standing in our kitchen wearing an oversized T-shirt with the logo of my dad’s company. I think I casually said in a group of people, “I wasn’t potty trained until I was 4,” and, as the heads at the party slowly turned around to look at me, I said in what felt like slow motion, “Iiiiiis thaaaaaat weeeeeeeeeeeird?” It was probably in high school when I realized that my parents weren’t being histrionic 4 years old is indeed way too late to be potty trained. It didn’t register with me that the whole thing was abnormal until later in life. Had I known that in 1991, my life might be very different right now.)

(Little did I know that being an “adult baby” is an actual fetish lifestyle.

#Rachel bloom full

They were fed up with cleaning the butt of a person who could use full sentences, fed up with me soiling myself in the candy aisle of a drugstore rather than using the stockroom toilet, fed up with their own fear that I would go to college still in diapers. A night like any other, except on this night my parents decided that enough was enough and threw away my diapers. Pooping was my sacred time, and I wasn’t about to bid it farewell. I mean, I wasn’t a freak, am I right? The toilet could have all of my pee it liked. I did not go poo in the toilet until I was 4 years old.